Holiday Countdown: December 5th

Christmas Crackers, Jokes and Musings

Do you have favourite Christmas jokes, riddles, or funny stories? The HBC employees many years ago had some too! 

Control Your Eyes

"Awful accident in the train today.”
“What was it?”
“A woman had her eye on a seat and a man sat on it.”

Double Misfortune

Two gentlemen of Hebrew extraction were shipwrecked and for two days floated about on a life raft.
Near the end of the second day one of the cried, “Ikey, I see a sale.”
“Vat good does that do us?” replied Ikey. “Ve ain’t got no catalogue.”

Dodging The Issue

Mrs. Overwate had a deadly gleam in her eyes as she entered the butcher’s and said in a withering voice”
“Mr. Eichboan, how do you account for the fact that there was a piece of rubber tire in the sausage I bough here yesterday?”
“Ah, my dear madam,” responded the butcher, rising to the occasion, “That just serves as an illustration of how the motor car is replacing the horse everywhere nowadays.”

A Hearing

“Judge, your honour,” said the prisoner, “I’m deaf.”
“That’s all right,” answered the judge. “You’ll get your hearing in the morning.”

An Investment

Mike – This is a great country, Pat
Pat – And how’s that?
Mike – Shure, th’ paper sez yez can buy a foive-dollar money order for three cents.

Built to Order

“What’s the matter with Smith? Got lumbago or spinal curvature or something?”
“No; he has to walk that way to fit some shirts his wife made for him.”

His Fistic Prophecy

“Ah shuah pity you,” said a coloured pugilist to his opponent as they squared off. “Ah was bohn with boxin’ gloves on.”
“Maybe you was,” retorted the other; “and ah reckon you’s goin’ to die de same way.”

A Question of Display

Porter – Where’s you’ trunks, sah?
Salesman – I use no trunks.
Porter – But I thought you wuz one of these travelling salesmen.
Salesman – I am, but I sell brains, understand? I sell brains.
Porter – Excuse me, boss, but you’s the furst travellin’ fella that’s been here who ain’t carrying no sample.